Erica should have added that the lower level framework offers actually little security since woman are all too often raped, beaten, and exploited within the lower level marriage framework, and their families are torn apart in games of jealousy, even to the point that spouses are murdered. None of this is possible at the higher-level marriage union where the primitive aspects that divide and isolate people are no longer a factor, where the union can only be founded on a commitment to a higher principle.
Anton nodded and smiled.
As soon as the breakfast was paid for, we left. We got ourselves ready to go dancing.
"Just look at us," I continued our conversation back at our room, "it took us twelve years to prove to ourselves that the results do outweigh all the efforts that must be made to develop an understanding of the platform for expanding love. It seems as if those lean years never existed. Does this have something to do with sublimity?"
"In this case we have to upgrade the symbol CSB once again," said Anton in reply. "I promised you a still higher definition when we said good bye in Caracas, remember? So, here it is: The letter 'c' stands of 'children,' the letter 's' for the 'sublime,' and the letter 'b' for the 'betterment of humanity.'"
That motion, of course, was accepted with a kiss and a long lasting hug. That hug reflected once again the slow moving, long drawn out soft melody, of the great horn passage of Johannes Brahms' Symphony Number One that now received a new meaning as our wedding symphony.
As it was, time was running short if dancing was to be on the agenda. To save time, we doubled up in the bathroom. I didn't think much of it, but Anton remarked that she felt that were acting like any long married couple would, when pressed for time. The beauty of this was that it confirmed for her a reality that she was slowly beginning to grasp. We felt that we had been married for more than a dozen years already, since that day we first met at the tower in Moscow. For me, our being together seemed quite normal. I asked Anton if she felt the same way.
Anton just nodded and grinned, but then shook her head. "It seems more beautiful now," she added
I reasoned that she should have compared our larger marriage commitment to us having earned an advanced degree in science, except that it is something even bigger than this.
"Nicolai, certainly is excited about the possibilities that this larger marriage commitment opens up," Anton continued after a few moments of silence, getting herself ready in front of the mirror. "Nicolai said that the triple wedding idea must be modeled after the principle of the sun, for it to work. The outflow of the sun's light and warmth brings life to the world. We are the suns of brilliant white light, that contains within itself all the colors of the rainbow, locked into a single bond of white. Common marriages rarely reflect this model. That is why the larger marriage platform appears so illogical at first, because it reflects a model that is not understood, and therefore implemented."
Anton assured me, when she asked me to help button up her blouse, that she would be proud to have children with both of us, and that she meant both of us, if either of us wanted that. She said that the very idea may seem irrational, but it shouldn't be, because those children, whose ever they may be, would have a greater base of support in affection that other children may be blessed with.
I embraced her for this wonderful offer. I said that it doesn't seem irrational on the basis of that love that we share, and of our commitment to enrich one another. Why shouldn't we have children together as a reflection of this commitment? "In fact it seems natural and lawful, even ideal to do this," I added.
"Look at what happens to society in times of war," she said. "The opposite happens. The best men are sent to the front to fight, where they are killed, and the very best become the officers who lead the charge, who are the first to be killed. Afterwards, when the fighting stops, the unfit remain to propagate the nation."
She said that no farmer would operate on such an idiotic platform. She added that she understood the need for sending the best men to war, to assure the survival of the nation, and she understood that the genius in man is not so much a hereditary quality than the result of education and care.
"In spite of all this, it still seems rational for one to want to have children with the very best men the world has, whom I both love dearly" she said with a smile, "who, I am sure, will provide the very best care for those children, and the best possible guidance and education."
I agreed. "It seems illogical, really, that a family be limited to just a single father," I said. "The whole of society should care for one another as one large family bound to each other in love, don't you agree? Instead, people are in a competition to steal from one another."
"That's why Nicolai wants a big wedding," Anton said moments later. "It is needed for all the world to see the legitimacy of it."
As so often in my life in profound moments, I didn't know what to answer. I knew that everything she had said was correct, totally, and scientifically so, but why did it seem so unbelievably magical? This wasn't new, and yet it was.
Here, the NutCracker ballet came to mind again, especially Nicolai's description of it. I suddenly realized what Nicolai had been talking about. He had been taking about himself. The frozen ice bound dessert that he described was his own soul, the soul of a cold and barren scientist and security officer who had lived a lone existence of self-enforced exile from the world. That's probably why it took years before we finally met. I remembered Steve telling me that Nicolai couldn't meet the demands that he felt we would place on him. But, somehow, in this ice-crusted wilderness he came upon a profusion of life and warmth, a human dimension that appeared too magical at first to be real. Except, this wasn't the real magic, the real humanity. This unfolded later, at a different level of consciousness which was no longer anchored in time and space, but which was real, nonetheless. Was I the prince in his nutcracker ballet, who had invited him there with Anton at my side, both of us standing at his side?
My dreams in Caracas, of the four rivers that demanded completeness, were they also his dreams? Indeed, we appeared to have shared more in this silent way than we probably ever had dared to talk about. We were bound by an undeniable unity of the soul. Should this unity be denied, or should it be given acknowledgement and expression? There was no question in my mind as to what the answer would have to be. I had answered Anton with a kiss in my dream.
I remained silent for a while, while we got our coats on, pondering over what she had said and how I had responded to my own enquiry. Then, suddenly, Heather came to mind. Anton, evidently thought about her, too.
"You should have been more loving to Heather," she broke the silence as if she could read my mind. "How many times did the two of you meet intimately in all those years after Ross came onto the scene, prior to Caracas? A dozen times in a dozen years?"
I nodded, and said that it was actually less than that.
|| - page index -
|| - chapter index -
|| - Exit -